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Then VS Now 

Updated: Sep 22, 2023

Crazy I always find myself thinking late at night. Right now I’m sitting in the car waiting for my wife to get off. I’ve been sitting in this same spot for about 2 hours. Weird how I take comfort just sitting in my car with the doors locked. Nothing on… just me and silence. I look around and the world is happening all around me but I find safety locked in my car. Tonight I’ve been laying here watching as homeless people walk by with blankets some people walk by carrying duffle bags. It’s so cold outside I feel horrible that they’re stuck out in it and yet here I am laying in my warm car. A couple of nights ago while picking my wife up from work a homeless guy walked up and asked if we had any spare blankets in the car because a few guys (who weren’t homeless) stole everything he had left is bag, his close, his coat, his extra blanket. All they left him with was a think little sliver of cover. I remembered the blanket I had in my car cause I was supposed to return it to some one and I gave it too him being all I had at the time. Seeing him reminded me of how it felt being homeless around this time when I was 17. Christmas has always been a hard holiday for me as is. So many bad emotions evolve around it. But this Christmas I’m able to look back and reflect on just how far I’ve really come.

When I was a junior in high school I was fortunate enough to stay in a couple hotels under a couple other names but had I’d been caught they probably would have thrown me out because I was underage. I remember the fear of being alone. Living in a sketchy part of town and having to take the bus at all hours and walk to get where I needed to go. I remember not being able to afford food because all the money I made working went to keeping my hotel room (this is were I developed the habit of eating once a day. A habit I haven’t learned to break). I remember washing my clothes in the bathtub (which is why I looked like a bum most days said one of the teachers from high school), laying awake at night with every light in the room on cause I was too afraid to go to sleep, and crying every night until daylight came so I could fall asleep (doing this absolutely ruined my sleeping pattern amongst other things) . I remember walking in rain and snow and thinking that my life already sucked. But I was fortunate to have a place to go how ever crappy it was. I wasn’t sleeping outside. I’m the midst of all the bad events that were going on in my life at the time I forgot to stop and count my blessings. Sitting here tonight in this car that I work hard to pay for. I find myself in some what the same spot. Living in hotel but this time around I have a different outlook. This time around I’m grateful because it could be far worse. I’m grateful because I’m not alone. I’m grateful because I’m still able to provide for me and my family. So what we’re having to start over again. Maybe this is the second chance we needed to get ahead. I’m just thankful we are able to do it together.

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