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Silence the noise

Updated: Sep 22, 2023

Sitting very still hearing the thoughts in my head. Voices I’ve tried to silence for so long. The whispers that no one else can hear that taunt me every moment of every day. It’s like fighting a wall that won’t budge. “GO AWAY!” I tend to scream and the voices just laugh at me. Banging my head trying to silence the noise but somehow it only gets louder. The empty threats they promise to fulfill bring tears to my eyes because no one else believes that it’s real. “You’ll never be good enough” they say. Words sounding so intoxicating inside my brain. “Who would miss you? No one even cares” they repeat over and over hoping I’d give in. Every time things get good the voices get mad. I’m not supposed to smile they only seem to like it when I’m sad. The worse part is on the outside I seem fine but inside its like a time bomb is ticking and any moment I’ll explode. How do you explain the chaos inside? The frantic disarray you try so hard to hide? Who would believe that you feel unbalanced, unorganized, unprepared. Who would care? The hardest part is the silence. It holds so much that should be said but can’t be said out of fear that people will judge or peg you as a nut job. When really you just need someone to help you make sense of the noise.

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