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Dear God No. 2

Updated: Sep 22, 2023

Hey you it’s me again. I’ve had a tough week. Depression is at an all time high. Something positive that happened you ask? I started my period! That probably sounds like an excited middle school girl thinking she stepped into womanhood right? It’s been a whole year that I went without one. Stopped my journey to conceive right in its tracks. I thought I saw some spots the week before but wasn’t sure. Sick joke making it come on the one night I was supposed to be ass naked in my though. But…. I’m appreciative. The one thing that has made me feel normal in this not so normal month I’ve had. But uh how long do I have to deal with this crimson river? The week is up now I’ve been thoroughly reminded that my lady bits work.

I just thought I’d write you and say thank you instead of rambling on and on about how depressed I am. Because I am. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t recognize whoever this freak of nature is wearing my clothes. But I know In due time Aqua will return. So anyway I’ve seen some of the changes you’ve been making in my life and I appreciate it.

I had this weird deja vu moment when I was washing up in the bathroom of our office unit. This is the first time in my LIFE I’ve had to take a “hoe bath” because I didn’t have a choice. Even when I was homeless in high school I had a shower. That was a hard moment for me. It’s been 34 days since our ex landlord illegally kicked us out and today is the first day that I had to wash my ass in a bathroom sink. Whew talk about humble yourself. All I could think about while the tears ran down my face was the angel you dropped in my lap on Friday to help get this all figured out. I’m not complaining I promise. I know this is all a part of our testimony. But it’s gettin cold lord and I’m starting to miss home cooked meals. If I haven’t learned anything else on this journey I’ve learned that I won’t ever take my home for granted again. I’ve learned just having a simple place to lay your head, wash your body, hell make a sandwich if you wish is luxury and not everybody has it. I thought I could relate to the homeless people I served in the community before. I have a whole new respect for them now. You never know what a persons situation was before they ended up on the street. To be completely honest we are all one paycheck away from being on the street.

This experience is teaching me things I thought I had once learned. Maybe I just needed to be reminded of where I’ve come from to truly value where I’m going. All the people you are putting in my path that are loving and supporting me have been a blessing. Thanking for creating my village for me.

I guess I’m gonna stop rambling and find somewhere to sleep now. Later dude! -Bae

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